Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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