using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You need Xanax blowdarts
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
