So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
