Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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