Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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