I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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