i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
