I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
