Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
