Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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