I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
