i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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