dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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