Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Randomize
