So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
