All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
