somebody snuck up and got me drunk
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
