well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
