You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
