I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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