Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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