It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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