So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
