4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
