we should wear snuggies to the strip club
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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