Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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