The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
