Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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