Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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