Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
