Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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