Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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