he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
