He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
