trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I am available for nakedness
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