there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
