I wanna passion pit in your ass
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
