I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
