i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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