So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
