i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
