If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
