I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
