I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
