Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
