i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
