my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
