Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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