When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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