Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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