i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
