I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I forget how to act sober
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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