do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
