For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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